outlet

2010-04-21T15:13:00.000-07:00

from now on, all of my entries will be found on: thesarahchong.blogspot.com
thank you (:

bleu ciel

2010-03-17T18:28:00.000-07:00

favorite spots to study at UCLA:

1. Covel 3rd Floor Balcony
2. Humanities English Reading Room

Set-up tables and chair outside
Very few people
Perfect weather (6:30 PM, slightly cool, but still shirt & shorts type of weather)
The golden reflection of the sun against the old brick buildings on campus
Auditory time machine aka old favorite songs
Learning about ancient civilizations

Despite having two finals tomorrow that I'm unbelievably unprepared for, I feel good.

receiving an up-to-date update

2010-03-02T20:09:00.000-08:00

more than 6 months ago, my friend's boyfriend passed away.
I just found out right now.

It's true when they say you can find out just about anything from Facebook nowadays. All the latest news you need about your circle of friends/enemies/strangers' lives are within a mouse-click of your grasp. Having deactivated, reactivated, deactivated, and reactivated my Facebook (with the possibility of re-deactivating again), I have struggled with my love and hate relationship with this social networking site.

But I never expected to find out something like this.

A friend-acquaintance of mine updated her status expressing her anger against Christian posts on the Santa Maria Times regarding the death of an Eric Okerblom.

Eric Okerblom.
Eric Okerblom.

Sounded so, so familiar...

Natural response: Google it.
Led me to his Facebook.
Naturally, this is a very creeper/stalker-esque thing to do, but I needed to know why he sounded so familiar. And lo and behold, his profile picture was of a guy smiling widely, zoomed in next to a girl who I knew as one of my best friends in junior high.

The next fifteen minutes were so surreal.
I hadn't talked to her in over a year.. but when I did check up on her profile once in a while, I would see pictures of her and her boyfriend; it even still said "in a relationship with.." This whole time I was thinking she was going out with someone who had long since passed away.

I wonder how she is doing.
The last time I saw her was two years ago in my high school gym, which was also the first time I had seen her in maybe the previous three years. She was a good friend, I remember. In fact, I now live on the same street that she moved out of once our family moved in.

I don't know.

Today's been a long day.
Time to get cracking on my history paper.

2010-02-27T19:42:00.000-08:00

this is the account of sarah h. chong on saturday, february 27, 2009:

8:45 AM- wake up for work
8:46 AM- check clock, recognize headache
8:47 AM- call in sick
1:00 PM- wake up to sunlight
1:05 PM- close curtains
1:06 PM- go back to sleep
5:00 PM- wake up

total hours of sleep: approximately 17 hours

never again.

2010-02-24T16:36:00.000-08:00

i want to write, i really do..
but?
but..
but!
BUT--

yeah, i don't know..
HAHAHA
sigh.
hopefully soon.

seahorses

2010-02-08T19:15:00.000-08:00

I really want one!

invisible sweet tooth

2010-01-27T23:15:00.000-08:00

photo credit to: taminsea

I wish I was more of a snacks/baked-goods type of person. There are times when I crave something sweet (usually only ice cream), but for the most part, I'd rather eat real food. But maybe, I'll try to get into this sweets business. I always come across pictures of the prettiest desserts and pastries, and it's a shame because I don't think I'd really enjoy tasting them as much as looking at them (with the exception of a few things). Funny because, in addition to this, I am horrible at baking. I never really understood how poor my skills were until the failure of my mom's tiramisu birthday cake. I guess not having an electric mixer makes a big deal.. and I suppose not being very exact in my measurements could have something to do with it... but c'mon, how much of a difference could that make? Apparently, a lot. But with a lost bet resulting in baking 300 cookies (I really must learn how to make bets I'll win) and a number of other factors-- mainly just an excuse to visit hole-in-the-wall bakeries-- I think I'll try to start forming a sweet tooth.

fico assim sem voce - adriana calcanhotto

i like

2010-01-26T06:08:00.000-08:00

early morning walks & late night drives.

wishlist:

2010-01-24T18:37:00.000-08:00

- lomographic camera. don't mind what kind, with the exception of the fisheye. haven't quite fallen in love with that one just yet.
- accordion!!!!!!!!!
- typewriter!!!!!!!!!
- tape recorder!!!!!!!!!!!
- teacup set
- pretty pencils
- good grades!!!!!!!!!!!!

the ones with exclamation marks are the ones i really, really want.
(apologies for the recent explosion of blog entries..)

2010-01-24T04:34:00.000-08:00

The result of an all-nighter is another ensuing blog entry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's weird to have an actual answer for the question: What is your major?
Actual Answer: History

It remains un-weird that I don't have an actual answer for the question: What are you going to do with it?
Not an Actual Answer: I don't know.

But secretly, I do know what I want to do with it.
Be a historian, duh.

Okay, in all seriousness (and delusioned-ness), it's somewhat surreal. I was never particularly interested in it all throughout high school. Who is, anyway? In fact, it might have been my least favorite subject. I remember feeling as if I'd wasted hours reading about wars and treatise and confusing dates with wrong time periods. I don't think the timeline in my head ever matched the timeline in the textbooks. So I'm still confused as to how I came to the spot I'm in right now. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm not very good at anything else, history included, and there's some appeal that wasn't there before about uncovering the past. More of it comes from being assigned primary source readings as opposed to textbooks. It's pretty fascinating how the preservation of literature and art and architecture is active and intentional. So much so that we are able to see the writings and read the words of people who've lived hundreds and even thousands of years before us.

I guess it's strange that I don't have to dabble around anymore when I was so used to being undecided. However! I do understand that there's a possibility that I won't be a history major either. (They say that most college students change their majors at least 2 times before they graduate.) Anyway, I'm just typing as much gibberish as I can right now to prevent my eyes from fully closing.. which would mean.. I'd.. be.. falling.. asleep....

Post-script: I spent the majority of my today sleeping and reading one of my new blog-favs: the rockstar diaries

week in a wrap

2010-01-22T11:55:00.000-08:00

The organization of my desk usually reveals how I'm feeling at the moment.

For most of this past week, my desk has been unorganized and piled up with unnecessary things. After cruising on cloud nine for the first two weeks of winter quarter, I realized how circumstantial my joy was, and still is. I think that frustrated me a lot, and despite some of the greatest news I've heard (ever) this past week, a lot of little things kept pestering me. Kind of like the rain. It was nice to have chilly weather and get a little wet, and it's even nicer to just watch it from inside. But being in it, walking across a hilly campus with a pair of chucks (note to self: invest in rainboots) was not my cup of tea. But the skies are clearest after the rain, and thankfully, the rain has bid us goodbye for now and with a new week coming, I'm hoping to be recaptivated by the only joy that never changes and maybe use my Starbucks giftcard.

things to-do for the last week of January 2010:
- record a song?
- take a lot of pictures (maybe even a polaroid or two)
- fill out some applications for stuffs
- update playlists
- read eloise

listening to some junior high - early high school favorites:

funny how songs can be time machines..

2010-01-19T17:03:00.000-08:00

I spent an hour or so researching "how to ace job interviews" on Google, trying to memorize all of the helpful tips on what to wear, how to act, what to say, where to look, etc. But when I finally met Mr. Mark Rodriguez, I wasn't asked "What are your strengths and weaknesses?" or "Why should we hire you?"or even "Do you have any questions for me?" Instead, I just listened to the man speak nonstop for about 15 minutes straight which somehow translated to "You're hired."

I mean, being paid minimum wage for standing in a lobby for 6 hours without homework or music or a book to read and little human contact isn't exactly my ideal job, but there's nothing more I can ask for considering my poor excuse for a resume. So I am unbelievably grateful (though I may change my mind after my first day) for the Hammer Museum and their generosity in allowing me to come and infiltrate their artwork!!!!!!! Just kidding.

Although my red Pee Chee folder got soaked (with all of my Spanish work inside) along with my dictionary, planner, and notebook-- I guess the first non-rejection I've faced in a long while made today a lot better.

2010-01-17T14:50:00.000-08:00

long awaited update found here (:

currently

2010-01-09T15:41:00.000-08:00

eating: crunchy peanut butter & banana on whole wheat bread (makeshift plate is made out of my spanish 1 syllabus)
drinking: lemon water
wondering: what everyone else is up to
listening to: december by the shout out louds
wishing: i hadn't woken up so late (2:30 PM - personal record), was creative enough to make pretty things to open an etsy shop, the bathroom wasn't so far away
liking: the semi-gloomy weather, almost all of my classes so far, arrested development

-----

Joyce just fueled the fire for my slight obsession with blogs by emailing a handful of blogs that she follows (will be adding some of them to my 'oh the places i go' roll on the right -->). I was going to wake up early to go find some secret spots in Los Angeles, which is one of my new year's resolutions. However, I ended up sleeping for a little more than 12 hours and found myself getting out of bed mid-afternoon. I've been thinking about whether I should just combine this blog with my other blog which was originally for some faith-based entries. But I'm beginning to wonder if that just shows how my brain might be compartmentalizing my thoughts as sacred and secular, which shouldn't be the case. At the same time, I know that it's just a way to organize what's going on in my head. Anyway, that will be decided later.

School has already begun, and though it's only been one week into the winter quarter, it feels like it's been a month. There was more about this, but I just got a call for dinner-- so off I go. To be continued (maybe).

2009-12-29T20:45:00.000-08:00

I really, really, really, really want this. I've spent the past hour munching on dark-chocolate-covered pomegranate seeds while exhausting Google's search engine on all the know-hows of Polaroid cameras. I came across this amazingly helpful blog entry and some prettiful flickrs (one)(two), and learned a thing or two about using 600 film on a SX-70 camera. I honestly think this is the most research I've done on any one thing, but it's a shame because I don't think my pocket can afford this for a while. Maybe one of these days...

On a different note, I don't know what attracts me to the unfamous things. It may stem from my selfish desire to be different, but I think it goes deeper than that. To what? I have no idea. I'm just naturally drawn to no-name bands and dry movies, stuff that isn't even "good," but I enjoy and even obsess over what people would hardly give a second glance, or listen, at/to. I think it's because I know what I like. To the point where other people are well-familiar with it as well and often comment, "You would." And for some reason or another, they all seem to be mediocre things. Maybe I'm too easily satisfied/content?

So, here are a few of the things I like that are not famous-but-should-be:

danielleatethesandwich
elizabethtown (not a fan of orlando bloom or kirsten dunst, but i liked it still)
short films: (one) (two) (three) (four)
harriet the spy
dave barnes
noah and the whale
jess chalker
gabe bondoc (unfortunately, not as much as i used to like him)
& of course, the blogs over there on the right margin (:

2009-12-23T18:42:00.001-08:00

"i love wednesdays because i can read quietly" - faith chong

dec. 21: winter solstice

2009-12-21T23:05:00.000-08:00

lying in bed, laptop jabbing into my stomach resting against my propped-up legs, ignoring the open suitcases with clothes which once were inside now hugging every piece of furniture in my room..

it's the lull of home that sometimes brings a lingering sense of loneliness..

you know, it's funny how when you're upset or frustrated or angry, sometimes you don't want to feel better at all. instead, you want to drown in everything that'll actually make you feel worse. so instead of listening to happier songs, or looking up a joke, or even reading your Bible, you just dwell in the tears and replayed scenes-- you don't even really want someone to make you feel better with words. a hug, maybe that might help, but you don't really want to hear what they have to say in a poor attempt at lifting your spirits..

but don't worry, i'm not really upset or frustrated or angry right now, haha.
it was just a thought that crossed my mind.

lots of currents

2009-12-01T16:10:00.000-08:00

Currently sitting in the English Reading Room inside the Humanities building. I came to drop by and say hello to Megan, but ended up staying here even after she left because of its nice atmosphere. It's like a miniature library with thousands of books and comfortable, cushioned chairs (unlike Powell). I'm actually enjoying studying right now..

The first of December has already arrived and the year 2009 is drawing to a close. The sun sets earlier and the days are chillier. I love it. Lights being put up on houses one by one, the silhouettes of naked trees, aisles of candy canes in the stores, layers of scarves and coats and mittens that make you walk stiff.

I am currently: loving the beginning of The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien, listening to a nice shared iTunes playlist, staring at books with old, torn covers, thankful for my ESS9 TA who just replied to my email allowing me to turn one of my labs late, missing my family, wearing leggings, not loving my unmanageable hair, wanting to travel the worlddd!

Thank you God for this optimism. I don't know how else to explain where it's coming from.

children's books and dying batteries

2009-11-20T11:16:00.000-08:00

Upon opening my most recent Borders' email update, I noticed the ad a Polar Express Pajama Party (which, by the way, I'm very tempted to go to regardless of it being a "Special Kids' Event"). I remember I owned a copy of the book myself while growing up, but I disliked it for a very long time. At the time, I only stuck my nose into cartoon-like picture books.. anything that seemed too adult-like was left on the shelves to collect dust. However, somewhere down the road, I picked it up again and realized how extremely fantastical and captivating it was. I no longer have the copy, we probably gave it away at a church garage sale or to some family friend, so I'm investing in getting myself a new copy. Thankfully, I have some money left on my Where-the-Wild-things-are-themed Borders giftcard (I feel like I'm advertising for them).. so maybe I'll drop by sometime this weekend.

Lately, I've been learning a lot about myself-- things I try to ignore or cover up. But you can't deny what and who you are.. no matter how much you try. Looking back on this quarter, though it's not quite finished yet, there are many things I regret doing or rather, not doing.. But I realize how often I am quick to idolize the past, so much so that I tend to forget to live in the present and aim for the future.

To be completely honest, I've felt very lost these past few months. No sense of direction (I've never been good with directions anyhow), no particular passion, just making it through every day in the most minimal way possible. Even now, I catch myself saying, "Next quarter..." instead of "Today." Today. Today will be different.

I have 12% battery left on my laptop, but I'm too lazy to go back down from the comforts of my bed (the result of sleeping on the top bunk).. but today, right now, I'll make the effort to leave what's comfortable to recharge.

currently

2009-11-05T11:44:00.000-08:00

listening to: real life version by voxtrot
inside: powell reading room
stressing about: midterm paper
wishing: to sleep until christmas
eating: a banana
thinking: POR QUEEEE

time for class!

rule #389 from '1001 rules for my unborn son'

2009-10-27T22:37:00.001-07:00

389. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.

LOVE is in the air

2009-10-16T02:31:00.000-07:00

After buying the 35th anniversary version of The Giving Tree, I sat in the hole of the children's corner at Borders reading my new book when I heard a little girl's voice saying, "Appa, appa!" Although it caught my ear, I ignored my urge to be a creeper and people-watch.. but after she continued to speak to her father in Korean, asking him to look at a new book or to follow her, I left my backpack and book to spy on them. Unfortunately I couldn't find them because I was too late. I guess I'm kind of homesick.. but I think it's just me wanting to run away from all the responsibilities I have here. I realized that the college life is so secluded and not as "real world" as people always made it out to be. It's funny because in high school, college classifies as the "real world," but in college, the "real world" is after graduation. Anyhow, we're surrounded by thousands of people that are the same age as us, that it's peculiar to see children and parents and adults beside professors. That's why I like going off campus at times-- to see other kinds of interaction.

For instance, when I was taking the metro line and saw these two older men talking as if they were old friends, though they had just met. They helped me realize I had missed my stop and told me how to get back on track. Or how a younger guy was walking up and down the aisle freestyling aloud while stomping a genius beat. Sometimes it's scary and I get paranoid about being in a bus-full of strangers, but it only lasts a few moments before I realize how much I enjoy it. All these strangers headed in one direction.

On another note, I was walking back from class today when I saw a few people looking up at the sky. Being curious, I looked up too, and saw this:

I stayed there waiting for another half-hour for the YOU which appeared on the other side:

If it was a proposal.. Hope she said yes (:

I want to watch The Right Stuff but I don't think anyone has a copy and I can't find it online.

2009-10-08T16:58:00.000-07:00

~~Sometimes~~ Most of the time, I ~~want to~~ do the easy thing even though I know the hard thing is the right thing.

More on this later.

random collection of photos i like.

2009-10-06T14:46:00.001-07:00

2009-09-28T16:47:00.001-07:00

sometimes my thoughts are too loud to pay attention to lyrics anymore.

notes:

i feel like i'm compartmentalizing.

my printer has no ink so i hand-wrote out my schedule.

one of my classes has a fairly good-looking t.a. unfortunately, he is not my t.a.

i wish Puzzles was opened.. i've been really needing a scoop of mint chocochip ice cream these days..

i kind of want to double-minor. i think i'm underestimating its difficulty.

i really want mint chocolate chip ice cream..

2009-09-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

From: mi madre

"Hi, dad went 2 sleep in ur room nd i asked him why he said cuz he missed u"

CB: 805-714-6601
Sep 18, 11:47 am

Man.

Hello, new school year.

2009-09-10T08:36:00.000-07:00

Hey LA - get out of your cars and get on your bikes. Time to ride. 7:30 tomorrow am. Griffith Park, LA Zoo parking lot. See you there.. - Lance Armstrong on Twitter

I'm not the biggest fan of Lance Armstrong's dating history, but you have to admit, seeing a caravan of cyclists in the early morning of Los Angeles with a Tour de France champion would be a pretty neat scene.

Couple of things:

- I'd like to make this & this soon. Must find pretty fabric.
- Crystal and Sonia are driving up to Santa Maria today! .. And I have yet to clean the house.
- I really, really like Joshua Radin
- This baby.

Can't believe summer's almost over.

puppy love

2009-09-08T16:18:00.000-07:00

a little boy knocked on our door and asked,
"can faith play?"
my brother had answered the door and said, no, she was about to leave for piano lessons soon. i was looking down from my window upstairs and could see his little black bicycle lying against the curb. he rode away, fastening his helmet before he went off.

i think my sister thinks he's weird, and he probably doesn't like her, but dang, i wish a boy did that for me when i was eight years old. (:

fifty plus.

2009-09-05T19:16:00.000-07:00

I currently follow well over fifty different blogs. It started with the handful of friends I knew who had one, and has recently been reaching to photographers, and cooks, and artists of all different places. They all give off similar vibes though, perhaps that's why I like them so much. People, I'm sure, would go on them and probably tell me, "You would like this, Sarah." But I can't help it! There will be a list of a few of these new blogs that I've begun to follow on the right hand margin of this page soon..

Time's so limited, I'll be headed back down to the Greater Los Angeles in just a few days, and in a blink of an eye, I'll be back to waking up at 7:30 in the morning to make it to my 8 AM class fighting to stay awake. Packed with things to do, grades to make, people to meet.. I need to make the most of the time I have right now for the next five days.

I watched Before Sunset in ten separate clips off Youtube. I think it's one of my favorite movies now. For sure it is one of my favorite movies now. I must find an actual copy of it now. I watched the sequel right after (in eight parts on Youtube) and though dialogue was still equally as precise and filled with depth, it was just too realistic for me. Too.. not what it was before. Back in the first movie. Anyway, it was an absolutely wonderful movie that made me cry at the parts that weren't really sad and laugh at the parts that weren't that funny and dream all throughout. Even though I watched it just once (for now), I can pin-point the parts I loved best. When he twirled her held hand around so that his hand was around her waist, how they seemed to "create their own time," how she liked it when "she felt his gaze on her when she looked away," and a few more. Oh my goodness, my teenage fan girl in fantasy land self is coming out...

Must. be. quiet. now.

I'm currently reading the Harry Potter series for the very first time. My father didn't allow me to read it when I was younger, but now he doesn't mind, and I guess I'm curious as to what the hype is about. So I've got the first one lying on my bed right now waiting to be read, and so I think I'll go do that right now.

Post-script: I don't know how people have the money to go eat out every other day and take pictures of the freaking delicious food that other people (like me) have to just look at on their computer screen and crave for the rest of the week.

2009-09-03T22:29:00.001-07:00

i went on my elementary school best friend's facebook and saw that her father had made a facebook as well (i've gotten well over the shock of seeing older folks familiarizing themselves with online social networks). when i went to his profile and saw his picture, the same face who taught us where all the different constellations were, who'd ran across the street to catch the homework worksheet that flew out of my hands, and who'd told us funny stories about how in mexico, they called him 'window' because they couldn't pronounce 'wendall', it took me a lot of strength not to cry. i had learned a few years ago that because of a lot of family problems, the mother of my friend, his wife, who'd taken such good care of me, always taking me out to eat and inviting me over to their home, had left the two of them. and seeing his face, albeit on a computer screen, made me suddenly miss my childhood and realize how much we've aged and grown up-- the noticable wrinkles on his face paralleling the ones i've noticed in my very own parents.

what is it about time that just moves forward and never waits for any of us to catch up.

i ran into that same best friend about half a year ago at the mall as i was walking out with a new hoodie i'd bought for my brother's christmas present and as she was walking in with her current boyfriend at the time. an "oh my gosh!" and a shoulder hug and it was a goodbye.

WHAT HAPPENED?

i wonder and am awestruck at how easy it is for someone to walk in and out of your life. how easy it is for me to walk in and out of my life. how temporary relationships can be sometimes. but how deep the footsteps of those having said goodbye, have left impressions and leave me asking this question, teaching me to be more intentional, more purposeful, more meaningful, and more mindful. of how. short. time. is.

2009-09-02T00:39:00.000-07:00

i went swimming this morning because i went to avila pier yesterday and saw seals and my dream to work at sea world rekindled, only to die in a pit of fiery doom because i realized this morning when i was swimming that i cannot tread water for the life of me.

i also won at monopoly today.
it's a new version. there are credit cards instead of paper money.
and my monopoly piece was a little silver safari hat.
i think the older one is better though.

i also cut my jeans at the knees where it was already ripped and turned them to shorts. and sewed buttons on them. i think i will take a needle and some thread back to college to do some sewing for fun.. though i wonder if i'll even have time for it.

sam oppa bought me a lot of books. i am going to be a bookworm for the rest of summer. or at least for the rest of tonight.

i took a polaroid of casey, my dog. i didn't like it, so i took another one. what a waste of the first film. i'm going to save up money so i can have a polaroid camera collection. so far, i have one. i think i have a slight obsession with polaroids though. i keep looking up pictures of them. the cameras, the shots, the film, the lighting, the colors, and the list continues...

i always want to watch a lovey-dovey movie when i am on my dot.

CONGRATULATIONS TO MY FRIENDS!

i am craving homemade filipino food: pancit and menudo and TURON <3 style="font-style: italic;">would make one -_-) but i am still contemplating whether i will use it or not. i just like how you can "via" other blog entries and pictures and such.

There is no cohesive thesis in this ~~paper~~ entry.

I got that on the research paper I worked the hardest on just to form a good thesis. I always thought I was an essay writer > test taker. College proved me wrong. I am a scantron-filler-outer. Not by much, though.

And they all lived happily ever after,
THE END!

(:

p.s. i really like the month of september. i do not know why.

2009-07-06T16:33:00.001-07:00

my grandfather left for maryland yesterday. i didn't get to say goodbye. no one can take care of him here-- so my aunt from the east coast took him. i didn't get to say goodbye.

i wouldn't be surprised if i get arthritis in my right hand. something is terribly wrong with my index finger knuckle, and i keep having to crack it to get that knotted feeling out.

i am lying on the floor of phoebe's living room, which has become a second home to me during the past two weeks. i will be leaving shortly.

b.r.b.

4:00 am and restless.

2009-06-20T03:33:00.000-07:00

I try to collect memories. Ticket stubs, handwritten letters, polaroid pictures, event programs... I guess I'm afraid of forgetting. And secretly, I'm hoping for someone to be holding onto everything I've been trying to cherish as well. Because deep down, I'm afraid of being forgotten too. But more often than not, I attach myself to memorabilia only to find myself torn into pieces when something's lost..

Like now.

As I was trying to find a comfortable position on my bed to sleep (it always feels later in Santa Maria because there is nothing to do..), I was thinking about how my legs are cold even though I have three blankets on top of me, which led me to realize:

I don't have my blanket.

The little one. My little one.

The one that my aunt made me when I was little.

Which made me realize,

I don't have my stuffed animal.

The ballerina-ish bear who plays a pretty tinkering melody when you twist the small handle-thing in the back.

Dorms. Back in the dorms.

I hate sleeping on the top bunk. I hate dropping things so that it falls between the bottom bunk and the wall, which I will never think to look especially when I am trying to pack and move everything out of my dorm in the span of three hours.

List of lost items thus far:

- CD case (with all of my OSTs, albums, burned CDs)

- blanket

- stuffed animal

They are most likely in the dump now.

This may sound pathetic, but.. I'm really sad.

upcoming schedule:

2009-06-16T15:25:00.000-07:00

mon 6/15 - sat 6/20: santa maria

mon 6/22 - fri 6/26: intensive week (6am-5pm) + cpc vbs (5pm-9/10pm)

sun 6/28 - fri 7/3: pre-mission retreat

sun 7/5: commissioning service

mon 7/6: departure to the philippines

phew.

there's something about packed schedules that makes me feel good though.

suitcases & travel bags

2009-06-09T17:31:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here listening to Gabe Bondoc and watching my roommate pack up the last of her belongings as she heads back to Delaware. I'm regretful for not having made more memories with my roommates. But even studying in our own individual corners of the bedroom while the TV was running in the background was enjoyable enough for me. We all kind of had a mutual understanding that maybe we would not be the best of friends, but that was okay.

I've been throwing out the contents of my drawers, pulling down posters, making a stack of items to give away or sell (anyone want calcium/magnesium/zinc pills?), scrounging for boxes to use because I only have one suitcase on me.. And it's the oddest feeling. I still don't feel closure. I still haven't quite grasped the idea that I've just completed the first year of my college experience. When the end of the school year would come around before, we would be signing yearbooks, buying graduation gifts, even the weather would indicate it's time for summer.

And here, it just seems as if another set of finals are passing by.. even the weather is chilly as if we're still stuck in winter.

But time doesn't stop for anyone.

If only time were tangible. If only we could freeze even one moment.

Then maybe, we'd appreciate it more.

Or maybe, we appreciate it more because it doesn't wait for us.

i am puppy-sitting today.

2009-05-26T17:41:00.001-07:00

her name is sasha. i want her to be mine <3

i miss

2009-05-21T15:39:00.000-07:00

driving with the windows down, getting pwned at supersmashbrawl, taking naps in the park, filming random videos, reading the la times sunday comics, making posters for asb, microwaving left-overs for breakfast, the grey old minivan we used to have, doing homework while watching 'doug', mixing soompi collabs, pretending to be this artsy abstract teenager, seven-hour conversations, the macaroni and cheese at hometown buffet, sharing a room with my brother, minesweeper, going to asia market every wednesday for new korean videos, never putting my hair down from its ponytail, memorizing the lyrics to every disney song, junior high, my orange sneakers, making pies out of sand, whitney warren, mr. devereaux, jumping on trampolines, eating bbq ribs at lee jibsanim's house, packing lunches, random pancake breakfasts with friends, blockbusters, sitting in shopping carts, costco samples, my grandparents, field trips, neopets, rollerblading, and more.

2009-05-20T03:03:00.000-07:00

paper heart trailer.

for the past two days, i've been filming senior interviews, and though it's somewhat time-consuming, i really enjoy them. i've already learned so much from the ucla seniors, but these interviews make their hopes, their opinions, their faith that much more solid and real. because now it's recorded, maybe not on paper and a pen, but on my hard drive. i feel kind of like charlyne yi in that movie trailer up there. which is pretty cool because i kind of like her a lot. i wish i had a video camera.. i would record every moment, from scenery to roller-coaster rides to strangers to funny stories. i want to capture real life in its raw essence. i want to interview the people who have a lot or a little to say.. like tibby, in 'the sisterhood of the traveling pants.' i think she was my favorite. or maybe lena. i always picture making films that are slightly obscure, but only because it'd be because they capture that naked simplicity in life when everything else is stripped away..

three reasons why i liked star trek:

2009-05-18T00:17:00.000-07:00

1. it was a prequel. i love background stories. i love going into the childhood of characters, learning about their pasts, what makes them who they are in the present and why they act the way they do.

2. it had a creative twist on an almost-super-hero-esque story. i like superhero stories, but what i like more is if it's changed and made into a completely original story in itself. an example of this would be 'smallville.'

3. it was about best friends. maybe it's because i haven't had a real best friend since elementary school, but the tie between two characters as best friends is my favorite type of bond. even more, relating to reason number one, i like the background stories of best friends. how they start as enemies or neighbors or something and then turn into people who've got each other's backs.

the end!

whispered wishes

2009-05-11T23:42:00.001-07:00

i watched something on youtube and saw one of those stupid chain comments, only this one was cute.

1 cover your mouth with your hand
2 make a wish into it
3 close your hand (make it into a fist)
4 hold your fist over your heart (for 5 sec)
5 send this to 3 more videos
6 tomorrow will be your best day ever

disregarding steps five and six, i think i will make wishes like this from now on.

31/872

2009-05-11T02:49:00.000-07:00

I am barely awake and have about 800 pages to read of 'War and Peace' before Tuesday morning. I do not quite know what I am doing and my eyelids are getting heavier by the minute. I have been jotting and erasing and re-jotting a sort of a family tree in the margins so I can distinguish between the many, long and complicated Russian names in this novel. And it seems to be that there is a concert right now, or someone is pretending to have a concert in their room, I do not know.

I do not know when I became so concerned with grades. When did my As become miracles and all-nighters become routine. It can get so discouraging to see people surrounding you with set goals and declared majors, good study habits, planned careers, ambitions.. There are so many at UCLA. I don't know how I got engulfed in this massive ocean of students who all seem to be on their way to somewhere. And I used to be fine with it. I had always put everything before studies.. for me, it didn't seem that important in the grand scheme of things.

And now, I want to excel academically for once. I don't want to settle for studying only the night before and walking out of a final with my head down. I don't want my parents to be more concerned than ever about my diminishing GPA. I want to secure.. something.

But I'm always stuck playing catch-up.

regarding hill kids and making melodies

2009-05-06T16:01:00.000-07:00

There was the Filipino Tree, the Guad Spot, the Senior Quad (later to be rampant with freshmen), and a few more other unnamed areas on our high school campus differentiating each clique from one another. Then there were the Hill Kids. Though I wasn't one of them, a handful of my friends were and I was able to go on one or two adventures with them. This one's for them.

They were thrift-shoppers, free spirits, and stand-up-for-what-they-believe-in-ers. They were poets and ukelele-strummers, painters and film-makers. They embraced every moment of life and made dandelion necklaces. They sat on the grass hill that overlooked the Greek Theater (thus the name 'Hill Kids') before and after school, during lunch, and probably in the middle of the night on weekends if they snuck in.

I've learned a lot from them indirectly, about enjoying even the most simple things and walking around town and making crafts at home. I kind of wish I had a group of Hill Kids here. We'd go sight-seeing in Los Angeles and visit odd antique shops and watch independent films and play music on the streets.

.. and speaking of playing music on the streets, I have a confession. I am slightly addicted to song-writing. I love creating combinations of lyrics and melodies, not simply for the sake of getting feedback from people, but to express something inside of me that I can't really put only into words and only into music. I write because it allows me to.. I don't know how to explain it. It's just a hobby I guess, but something more than that, too.

Lately, I've been unbelievably blessed with the encouragement I've received regarding this little hobby of mine. It puts me at an odd mixture of embarrassment and gratitude. There is a part of me that wants to show people because I want to share these thoughts and feelings and reflections-- but on the other hand, I know for a fact that I'm not a good singer or musician, so I feel awkward if I am ever complimented. I don't know where this is going, but where I'm trying to get at is that I really thank God. Haha, even though there seems to be no relevance or tie between everything before that last sentence and that last sentence... it's really clear for me, though I can't explain it.

Gosh, what can I explain.

i need a barf bag.

2009-05-06T00:35:00.000-07:00

or else i'm going to throw up everywhere.

the pseudo-dinner i planned out in the previous entry

2009-05-03T21:53:00.000-07:00

was a failure. my parents basically told me, no.

instead, my father made homemade unagi and spicy tuna rolls. obviously, dad's cooking beats daughter's cooking. next time i come home, or the next time i'm near a kitchen, i'm gonna make it work.

on another note, coming back to santa maria is slightly odd. right as i entered through the door of my house, i was welcomed by barking. i had almost forgotten i had a dog. the carpet had turned into a hardwood floor. my room was filled with my sister's toys. everything felt like home and foreign at the same time. what a peculiar pairing. i will be leaving back for ucla tonight, and a long line of reading assignments await me. sigh.

on another another note, michellepark&erickim's 'live high' duet that i missed at church triggered a jason mraz song marathon on my itunes. as i also searched for some performances online, i came across a video of a girl named clara who, with a group of friends, were waiting outside the parking lot after a jason mraz concert in france. as jason mraz came out and headed toward the van, the group of friends all began to start singing (one of them had a guitar) mraz' songs. the singer/song-writer stopped by the little circle and sang along with them. that in itself is pretty neat, i would think. but then, i found a clip of the following night, where there was a private show and the same group of friends went to that as well. when jason mraz asked for anyone in the audience to come up and sing colbie caillat's part for 'lucky,' clara went up and he immediately recognizes her and says, "hey.. i remember you from last night!" there are two or three other clips in which she sings along with him at specific performances and on television programs in france. just from that ONE night where she sang along with him outside one of his shows.

jason mraz sings with a group of fans.

the first 'lucky'

six months later.

i don't really know why i'm sharing this. i just found it to be awfully neat and something that you'd find out of a fanfic. i was never a really huge jason mraz fan (i went through a period of it, but it kinda died out), but seeing this kind of stuff is nice. i like it when artists are real.

anyway. this was a rather pointless entry with no cohesiveness. but i just wanted something to write something in order to organize at least some of the many thoughts floating around before my head exploded.

how come the earl grey tea didn't work last night

2009-04-30T02:26:00.000-07:00

but it does tonight.

i've spent the past two hours with martha stewart because i'm going to ask my mom if i can cook dinner saturday or sunday night.

the tentative menu:

almond-crusted chicken

rice pilaf

mashed potatoes with caramelized onions

stuffed mushrooms

black bean & sweet potato salad (not the pork loins)

bell pepper saute

and some sort of green salad

i have a feeling half of these things won't make it to the table.

the fun will be cleaning up the kitchen afterward.

i'm really hungry.

everyday reminders

2009-04-29T00:24:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty disillusioned into thinking I'm all alone sometimes.

Tonight was a good reminder I'm not.

1. I have a family

2. I have friends

3. I have God.

sarah's soundtrack

2009-04-27T00:06:00.000-07:00

i used to write down things that would make good song titles.

they came up randomly in conversations, thoughts, situations.

'my side of the sky' was one of them.